You know your mother needs assistance, but she refuses to even consider it. She insists that she doesn’t want to lose her independence. You’re frustrated because you’re trying to be proactive and prevent a crisis, but your mother won’t hear of it.
Be reassured! You are not alone! Your mother is not the first senior to bristle at the notion of receiving help. In fact, most of our home care clients here at Warm Embrace started out exactly like your mother—Estelle sure did. Estelle started out adamantly insisting that she didn’t need or want any help at all.
I can hardly blame Estelle for resisting help. Very few people are quick to put up their hand and say “yes, I need help”—and that is true at any age. Our North American culture places a high value on independence, and many people tend to define that as “doing everything myself.”
Estelle rejected home care because she was afraid that if she can’t do it all herself, then she won’t be considered independent. In her mind, that would mean being one step away from a dreaded nursing home.
We define independence differently. We believe that independence doesn’t mean that you do it all yourself; instead, independence means that you get to choose how everything is done. Independence means that you’re the boss. You make your own decisions. It doesn’t mean you physically do everything; it means you have control over how it is done.
Estelle did not lose her independence, and that’s probably why she now adores her two favourite caregivers. Estelle did not lose anything; she gained.
Do NOT point out that:
When you mention the idea of homecare or introducing a caregiver, don’t highlight what your mother can’t do. Don’t point out all the activities she’s no longer managing, even though it may seem obvious and glaring to you.
DO point out that:
Highlight all of the gains your mother will benefit from when she has a wonderful new caregiver in her life. Point out how her life will be even better.
When seniors see that they are not giving anything up, they are not losing anything, they are more receptive. Seniors are often keen to accept new friends and live life more fully.
Help your mother to see all that she stands to gain, and the conversation may be easier. We’ve helped countless families through the exact same struggle you’re experiencing, and we can make suggestions specific to your situation. Call us for more ideas!
A senior benefits from home care by suddenly eating better meals and that senior now has more energy to independently manage more tasks. Another senior might benefit from our accompanied transportation and now that senior can attend all the activities and functions she once enjoyed. She is regaining her life back; she is not losing independence!
When seniors recognize what they can gain from home care, they are more receptive. They are gaining a new friend who will ensure that they enjoy each day and live it to the fullest. The good news is, we managed to win them over and now they are clients who absolutely adore their caregivers and can hardly imagine life without Warm Embrace.