Aged to Perfection

At what age is exercise no longer important?

That’s a trick question—there is no age when exercise isn’t important.  Just because someone is elderly doesn’t mean they’re exempt from exercise!

It does mean the exercise needs to be modified to match ability level and possible injuries or conditions such as arthritis.  What qualifies as exercise also shifts as someone ages.  When someone is young, it may take a jog or run to get their heart rate up, whereas an elderly senior may increase their heart rate just by walking. The important thing is to increase the heart rate and to get the blood and oxygen flowing.

Sadly, many seniors lead highly sedentary lives.  All too often, the lazy boy recliner becomes the centre of seniors’ worlds. They settle into the recliner first thing in the morning and watch television for a significant part of the day. They nap in the chair…they may even sleep in the chair all night as a surprising number of seniors tend to do.

The most activity they get is a few steps to the washroom and back.  Even then, I’ve met many seniors who intentionally limit their fluid intake to reduce the number of washroom trips required!  Going to the washroom may be the only activity they’re getting, and even then they’re limiting that.

A senior who has become accustomed to such a sedentary lifestyle will need to reintroduce activity gradually. Compared to their currently sedentary day, it does not take much effort to suddenly double activity levels! Simply getting up and out of their chair becomes a form of activity that cannot be taken for granted.

If you’re visiting someone who tends to be overly sedentary, encourage as much movement and activity as possible. As a precaution, you might avoid suggesting “exercise”.  Calling it “exercise” may be a barrier to some elderly people. If they don’t have the same context as you do for prioritizing fitness and exercise, they may not be inclined to want to “exercise”.

Instead, integrate basic activity into your visit.  Suggest sitting at the kitchen table together for a bit. Ask them to show you around. Step outside into the backyard.  While it may not qualify as exercise for you, it is most definitely an increase in activity for them. Be mindful to not push too hard too quickly, but continually suggest more and more activity—and increasing lengths of time out of the lazy boy chair.

When you’re in the kitchen together, ask them to reach items out of the cupboard. Bending, stretching, reaching are all basic movements that are necessary to maintaining a range of motion.  Ask for help folding laundry and putting it away.  The “excuses” you use to call your loved one into another room, or get them up and out of their chair are only limited by your imagination.

Before you know it, you might start getting a little devious in the creative ways you encourage more activity during your visit. The better you can disguise the increased activity as anything other than exercise, the more successful you’ll be!

Do you wonder why your mother with Alzheimer’s disease keeps asking to go home? She constantly repeats, “I just want to go home. Take me home now!” But your mother is standing in the home she’s lived in for decades. She is already home.

What do you do? How should you respond? Why does your mom keep asking to go home?

3 Responses That Do NOT Work

For starters, here is a list of what will not work when your parent with dementia continually asks to go home:

• Responding with: “But you are already home! This is your home!” Insisting that this is their home will typically upset the person with dementia even more. They will only demand, “Take me home now!” with greater urgency.
• Asking: “What is your house number?” and then pointing to the number on the front door. In the very early stages of dementia, this might help. But it is rarely effective when someone is at the stage of being in their own home and asking to go home.
• Pointing to family photos on the wall as proof: Trying to reason that no one else would have your family’s photos can feel confrontational. Testing your parent by asking, “Who is in this photo?” may lead to accusations like, “I don’t know who put those pictures there. I just want to go home!”

Why These Approaches Fail

All three responses are factually correct—they point out evidence that your parent is already home. The problem is that “I want to go home” is not a factual request. Initially, it seems like a request to change locations. But when your parent is already at home and still asking to go home, it clearly isn’t about geography.
 

They are not asking for logic or proof. When you respond with facts, you unintentionally create an argument where one person is right and the other wrong. This feels confrontational, and the person with dementia will double down on their position. Anxiety and frustration often increase when you present evidence and argue to the contrary.

The Real Meaning Behind “I Want to Go Home”

When your parent with dementia says, “I want to go home,” it is actually an emotional request, not a factual one. An emotional need requires an emotional response. Each of the three ineffective approaches above fails because they try to use logic and reason to answer an emotional plea.

Emotional Needs

Your mom keeps asking to go home because she has an unmet need. She wants to go to the place where she always felt safe, purposeful, and in control. Alzheimer’s interrupts her ability to articulate what that need is, so she expresses it in the only way she knows: “I want to go home.”

Instead of responding with facts, try to understand the emotional plea.

3 Most Common Emotional Needs

When your parent with dementia keeps asking to go home, they are likely expressing an emotional need from one of these categories:

1. The Need to Feel Secure. For most people, home represents safety and comfort. When someone with dementia feels confused or overwhelmed, they may wish to retreat to a place of refuge. That place is often home.
2. The Need for Purpose and Productivity. We all have a human need to feel useful. For people who were busy and active their entire lives, that drive does not disappear. Dementia interferes with the ability to initiate tasks, leaving them unsure what to do. They want to return to the place where they always had something meaningful to accomplish—home.
3. The Need to Be in Charge or in Control. Everyone wants to feel in control of their environment. The one place most people feel in charge is their own home. Dementia diminishes that ability, but the desire remains. Asking to go home often reflects a longing to regain that sense of control.

Why Logic Doesn’t Work

You can see why a logical response like, “Look at the number on the front door,” does not match an emotional need for security or control. It’s a complete mismatch between the underlying need and the response.

Becoming an Emotional Detective

“I want to go home” is an emotional plea—but also a mystery plea. The person with dementia is communicating as clearly as they can. They won’t say, “I want to go home because I’m bored and need something meaningful to do.” Instead, you’ll hear, “I want to go home. Take me home now.” It’s your job to be the detective and uncover the need.

Being a detective means asking questions and looking for clues. Aim to get your parent talking as much as possible. Ask about home:

• “Ahh, home is such a special place. Tell me more about your home.”
• “You have such a lovely home! What’s your favorite part of it?”
• “Your home has been in the family for years. Tell me the story again of when you and Dad built the house.”
• “Earlier you mentioned a chore list. Tell me what you wanted to get done at home.”

The goal is to have your parent talk about home in a relaxed, non-confrontational way. They aren’t being tested or asked to defend their understanding. They are sharing thoughts and feelings, which often reveal clues about their current needs.

Why This Works

When someone with dementia feels safe and heard, their anxiety decreases. They may even look around and recognize their environment. By aligning with their emotional need, you avoid confrontation and create connection.

When Professional Caregivers Can Help

These conversations can be challenging for family members. It’s natural to feel frustrated or exhausted when your loved one repeats the same request over and over. Professional caregivers are often better positioned to handle these situations calmly and compassionately. They are trained to recognize emotional cues, redirect conversations, and provide reassurance without confrontation.

At Warm Embrace Elder Care, our caregivers specialize in dementia care. They know how to respond to emotional needs with patience and empathy, creating a sense of security and comfort for your loved one. Sometimes, having a professional step in can ease tension for everyone and restore peace at home.

When your parent says, “I want to go home,” remember—it’s not about geography. It’s about emotion. By responding with empathy instead of logic, you can meet their true needs and bring them comfort.

Learn more about our we can help your loved one with dementia by contacting us today!