Who Get's to Decide?

You want what is best for your parents, and you worry that they need additional help.  Your parents believe that they’re managing just fine on their own.

So, Who decides?


First of all, you need to consider whether your parents are cognitively well and capable of making sound decisions.  A “sound decision” is not necessarily a decision you agree with—two people of sound mind can arrive at different decisions!

 

 

Capacity to make decisions is based upon someone’s ability to understand the choices with which they are faced, and the consequences of their decisions. 

 

For example, as an adult with capacity, you are aware that your chance of winning the lottery is very limited, and yet you choose to spend your hard earned money on a lottery ticket. Someone could say that is an unwise decision because the consequences are not in your favour; however, you understand the risk involved and the likelihood that you will not win.  The reason that minors are not permitted to gamble is that they do not fully understand the consequences of their decisions.  As a capable adult, you are permitted to make decisions that others might judge to be unwise, but it is your prerogative to do so.


Your parents have the same right.  If they have the capacity—meaning they understand their options, and they understand the risk associated with those options—they are entitled to make decisions. 

 

My parents won’t face reality — they won’t decide anything!


While it might appear that your parents aren’t planning because they aren’t changing anything, they might just be sticking with the status quo because they aren’t aware of all possible options.  You feel that your parents require more help—have you suggested various sources or types of assistance?


It is possible that your parents view the decision as a dichotomy—living at home and “getting by” as they always have, versus complete institutionalization in a nursing home.  While these may be two possible options, there is a myriad of other options that fall somewhere in between!

 

Help educate your parents on some of the options for assistance that won’t feel like such extremes.  If your parents are cognitively well, it is their right to choose the type of care that they feel will best meet their current needs. 

 

Engaging your parents in the research and ensuring that they feel in charge of their own decisions will ease the process.  When your parents realize that you’re not just trying to force them out of their beloved home (as so many seniors fear!), they might be more open to alternate care options.

 

To start your research journey, you can learn about some homecare options that emphasize health and wellness.

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You’re worried about your parents and you think they could use more help.  You suggested home care, but they wouldn’t hear of it.  They told you: “we’ve managed just fine on our own this long, we don’t need any help.” What they're really saying is that they don't want to face change. That's because change is scary.

 

 

Change is scary for all of us, at some level. Each person has a different tolerance for change, and it might take a lot more change to scare some people than others. But if you introduce a drastic enough change, eventually, any of us would feel trepidation about that change.

 

It’s little wonder then, that for seniors in their 80’s or 90’s, the thought of even a small change can be quite scary. After eight or nine decades, they are likely pretty set in their ways. They want things done a certain way; they want to keep their environment the same. As long as everything remains the same, it feels more manageable. It might help your parents to understand that home care is all about reducing the amount of change that your parents will experience. 

 

Warm Embrace caregivers are trained to match each client's specific preferences. 

 

Caregivers DO NOT barge into a client’s home and just take over. Caregivers DO wait to be invited in, and they ASK permission to proceed. They ask how that particular client prefers the laundry or housekeeping to be done. They cook from the client’s recipes or directions to match their particular tastes.   They help to keep clients’ lives consistent.

 

Homecare is one of the best prevention strategies for one of the biggest possible life changes: admission to a long-term care home.  Moving to long term care is a HUGE change—absolutely every single element of someone’s routine is changed. From the time they get out of bed, to when they eat, and whether they wear pyjamas to breakfast—everything is adjusted to match the schedule of the long-term care home.

 

Homecare ensures that individual clients maintain their own personal routine, they maintain their home, they maintain familiar comforts.  Caregivers match clients, rather than clients matching caregivers.  It reduces the amount of change they must experience.

 

Since home care is completely client-focused, each client calls the shots. The client decides what they’re doing each day and how they want things done and in which order.  It is very empowering for seniors to get to make all the decisions that impact their own day-to-day living.  Homecare grants this level of autonomy and independence.

 

Help your parents see that home care will ensure the least amount of change and help to maintain the lifestyle that they know and love. 

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