Aged to Perfection

September is synonymous with back-to-school time. Long after you’ve graduated, it’s hard not to feel the appeal of the fresh new school year that starts each September. The back-to-school advertisements start (far too early!) in the summer and remind everyone—even those who are not students—that the new school year is fast approaching.

With all the anticipation over new school supplies, different classes, reconnecting with old friends, and meeting new teachers, September is tinged with excitement.

For some people though, September comes with a whole new set of challenges.  Those who are squeezed into the sandwich generation can feel the extra pressure that the school year brings.

The sandwich generation includes those who are caught between caring for their children, while simultaneously providing care to their ageing parents.  Those feeling the crunch in September are likely even members of the club-sandwich generation: mothers who have young children at home who are providing help to their parents and their grandparents at the same time.

Club sandwich members are lucky enough to be in families who have four living generations at the same time.  Their young children are the youngest generation, the hectic mother is the second youngest.  The grandmother may be in her 60’s or 70’s and the great-grandmother in her 80’s or 90’s.

The young mother is caught between raising her young children, getting them out the door on the first day of school and being there for them when they step off the bus at the end of the day and also helping her mother to care for the elderly great-grandmother whose needs have suddenly increased.

September may represent a time of excitement and fresh beginnings for many people, but for this sandwich generation young mother, it may mean increased stress and an even more hectic schedule as she’s attempting to ferry children to after school activities, help with homework, and also deliver meals to her nanna across town.

Those in the throes of the club sandwich generation need support to manage the needs of so many generations at once.  The help can take many different forms—extended family and friends, a nanny for childcare, a driver to chauffer children to all their activities, or a caregiver to support great-grandmother Nanna.

A professional caregiver can provide the support that Nanna needs, while also alleviating pressure off the young mother who is hoping to get her children’s school year off to a good start. September can be a time of exciting new beginnings for Nanna too!  She can look forward to meeting friendly caregivers who will become new friends. 

Who in your family or circle of friends might benefit from the back-to-school excitement of September by engaging the support of a professional caregiver?

In a few months, your parents will be celebrating their 62nd wedding anniversary. After more than six decades together, they’re practically inseparable. Their staunch European background has rendered them rather emotionally reserved, but of course, they love each other in their own quiet way.

Your mother was the queen of the domestic domain, cooking, cleaning, raising children, and managing the household. Your father worked hard to provide for the family and took care of the yard, cars, and handyman jobs. His way of demonstrating love to his family was to work hard and provide well. These roles worked well for your parents through decades of marriage and countless life challenges.

Facing New Challenges

But now your mother has Parkinson’s Disease. It has been progressing over the past few years, and what started as a minor tremor in her left arm has now become debilitating. She struggles with tasks that require dexterity because her tremor is so pronounced. Her walking gait is halting and unsteady, and she has fallen numerous times. She has trouble keeping track of the medications she is supposed to be taking every four hours to help manage her symptoms. Basic daily tasks such as getting dressed are now proving to be a challenge. More complex tasks such as cooking or baking are pretty much out of the question.

Your father dearly loves your mother, but he is entirely ill-equipped to provide the help that she needs. He proudly declares that he can’t even boil water; he has never cooked a day in his life. He has been depending on ordering takeout food, but your parents are already tired of fast food. When it comes to helping your mother get dressed, he is flummoxed by her undergarments and embarrassed about helping her to dress. His no-nonsense, high-efficiency mentality made him an excellent businessman, but those same traits are not helpful when trying to assist his wife in getting dressed. It’s not a stellar start to their day when getting dressed becomes a major mission and sets the tone for the day.

Although your parents insist that they’ve gotten this far by weathering life’s storms together, it’s time for some expert assistance. While your father has many great talents and skills, providing personal care and household assistance are not his specialties. Your mother deserves the care and attention that a trained caregiver can provide.

Benefits of Professional Care

A professional caregiver can support your mother's physical needs and set her up for success each day. This includes making the morning routine feel like daily pampering instead of a chore. A caregiver can spend time doing her hair and makeup and helping her select her outfit and jewelry for the day so she can maintain the poised appearance she always prided herself on.

Your father wants this outcome for your mother—he wants her to feel well each day, to look her best, take pride in her appearance, and start each day strong. He may just need help recognizing that he isn’t the best one to provide this support. His heart is in the right place, but he has limited life experience in this department, and for your mother’s sake, it is worth it to enlist a professional who can make an enormous difference.

It is okay to acknowledge that everyone has different skills, strengths, and life experiences. Your father has many valuable skills that made him an excellent businessman. He continues to use those skills to manage household finances and monitor their stock portfolio. But he is ill-equipped to manage the nuances that come with personal care and supporting his wife through her Parkinson’s journey.

Enlisting additional support does not mean that he does not love his wife sufficiently to help her; it means he loves her enough to ensure that she has the professional and experienced care that she deserves.

Let your father play to his strengths and let us demonstrate our caregiving strengths to support your mother in her journey.