Managing your own household is already a full-time job. Add to that the responsibility of overseeing your parents' household, and now your in-laws need some help too. It's no wonder you feel stretched too thin. As your parents' needs continue to increase, you find yourself in a difficult position: you need homecare support for them, but they refuse to even consider it.

 

Your father insists he "doesn't need a babysitter," and your mother claims she can "do everything just fine myself." What she really means is that you are doing everything just fine for them. Your parents believe they are managing well because you are filling in all the gaps. They don't realize the extent of your efforts; they simply benefit from the fact that everything gets done.

 

 

For years, you've respected your parents' wishes, supporting them in their decisions and doing your best to help. They keep saying they don't want or need any help, and you've tried to honor that. However, the reality is that they do need help, and they are already receiving it—from you. The burden has become more than you can manage on your own, and it's time to acknowledge that you can no longer provide all the assistance they need. This isn't about failing to respect their decisions; it's about making a necessary choice for your own health and wellness.

 

It's time to have an honest conversation with your parents. Explain what you are able to do and outline the tasks that are becoming too much. Empower them to make decisions that best suit their needs by presenting options to fill the remaining gaps. For example, you might be willing to do the weekly grocery shopping and visit with your parents after putting everything away, but cooking dinner for them every day is no longer feasible.

 

Here are some meal options to consider:

  1. Meals on Wheels or another meal delivery service: Convenient and nutritious meals delivered right to their door. Our caregivers can help by encouraging your parents to eat these meals by warming it up for them.
  2. Retirement home: A community where meals are provided, along with other amenities and social opportunities. Our caregiving team can help your loved one to and from the dining room, helping them navigate their new environment
  3. Caregiver assistance at home: A caregiver can cook meals together with your parents in their own kitchen, using their preferred recipes. There's nothing like a home cooked meal! Our caregivers can ensure your mom or dad gets a home cooked meal just the way they like. 

 

Outline the pros and cons of each option above and how they would fit into your parents' lifestyle. Stepping back and acknowledging your own needs doesn't take away your parents' ability to make their own decisions. It simply removes one option from the list—the option of you cooking meals daily.

 

As long as you continue to be the primary option, your parents won't seriously consider any other alternatives. Clearly articulate what you can and cannot do, and guide your parents through the decision-making process to address the remaining gaps. Setting boundaries for your well-being is important. 

 

 

Homecare can address many of these gaps, providing the individualized attention and assistance your parents are accustomed to receiving. Homecare isn't just about the senior client; it's also about alleviating the burden on family members who have been doing far more than is sustainable. A wonderful caregiver—or team of caregivers—can take care of your parents' to-do list, ensuring that the responsibility doesn't all fall on your shoulders.

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