Aged to Perfection

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then what does the photo selection on our walls say about us?  When you look around your home, what photos do you have prominently displayed?

Photos are one of the ways to personalize your living space, be reminded of your closest friends and family, or commemorate a favourite event.  What if the photos on your wall no longer triggered happy memories? What if you didn’t recognize the people or places in the photos on your walls? How would you feel?

If you didn’t recognize any of the photos, you might feel like you’re out of place, that it can’t possibly be your home.  You might feel disconnected, or perhaps even a little lost.  You might wish to go home, to a place that’s familiar and recognizable.

That is exactly how someone with advanced dementia can feel.  For some people with dementia, they will have a tough time recognizing photos of family members or even photos of themselves.  In the early stages of dementia, it can be helpful to have recent photos of grandchildren available so they are more recognizable when they visit, especially because they grow up and change so quickly.  But as someone’s dementia advances, keeping up with updated photos can be challenging.

For someone with advanced dementia, it can be quite abstract to look at a photo of a baby or a child and connect to that person as being your great-grandchild.  Having recent photos of the latest great-grandchildren may not provide an anchor-point for identity. It may just be a nice photo of a cute baby, but no greater connection than that. In fact, I’ve had clients with advanced dementia tell me that the cute baby photo—which is indeed their newest great-grandchild—is just the sample photo that came with the picture frame and since they liked the photo, they never changed it out!  

Photos of unrecognizable family members may be pretty photos, but if someone with advanced dementia does not realize it’s a family member, then the photo does not have much significance.  It does not signal “you are home” or “you belong here”.  It does not spark memories of happy times, it doesn’t connect to a sense of identity.

Instead, it can be helpful to understand what and who your loved one is thinking about most these days.  Oftentimes, people with advanced dementia are thinking and talking about times that they can more clearly remember and understand. Since long-term memory is stronger, people often revert back to childhood or young adulthood memories.  If that is the timeframe that is clearest, then provide photos to match the era that your loved one can remember.

If your loved one is talking about their parents, see if you can unearth an old photograph of their parents from decades ago—a photo of what their parents would have looked like when they were a child or teen.  If your loved one is talking about their siblings, find old photos of the siblings together as children. You may have a recent photo from the latest family reunion, but if your father is remembering his brother as an 8-year-old child, he may not be connecting with the photo of the 87-year-old man who is his brother today.

Many elderly women have strong memories of having children. Their strongest memories are of their children as babies, toddlers or young children.  Finding the old baby photos that might have adorned the walls over 60 years ago can be helpful. The photos will be familiar and will likely spark a smile and perhaps even some fond memories.

Another option, though much tougher to implement, is to adorn the walls with photos, pictures, or wall hangings that were in your loved one’s childhood home, or even their first home when they moved out.  Of course, many of those photos and prints may be long gone, but if you can find anything stashed away in the attic, it may be worth bringing them out to see what reaction you get.

For someone with advanced dementia, adjust their environment to match their internal reality. Have photos to match their strongest memories.  Select pieces that bring comfort or joy and spark a memory. 

Whether modifying someone's home or decorating their new living space in a retirement home or long term care centre, provide photos that spark a sense of pride and identity for your loved one.

When families are seeking companionship for their loved ones—especially within retirement homes or long term care centres—some families are surprised that the minimum companionship visit is three hours.  The reason we have minimums is to fulfill our mission and philosophy of care. Within the context of long term care, there is another element that is also crucial and that is providing your loved one with one-on-one undivided attention.

One-on-One Undivided Attention

One of the reasons that companionship services are so beneficial within long term care homes is your loved one receives one-on-one undivided attention.  Of course, there are wonderful staff members in the long term care home who are providing various types of care and assistance, but their attention is not undivided. 

They are typically rushing off to attend to the next resident because there are so many people who are in need, all at the same time.  Your loved one can feel this. They can feel the sense that someone is hurrying along, or watching the clock, or checking a pager or other device. While completely unintended, your loved one might not feel important at that moment.

Our companionship services are an antidote to the rushing around and unfocused attention they’re receiving.  Our caregivers slow right down and sit with your loved one.  They’ll exude a sense of peace and calm that says “I’m here for you, and I’m not rushing anywhere else.”  Because they have the luxury of time (at least three hours), they are not watching the clock, they are not rushing off to attend to other residents. They are focused entirely on your loved one giving much-needed undivided attention for hours on end. 

We have served many clients in long term care who are in the very late stages of dementia.  In many cases, these clients have very little verbal communication left.  Many would say that they are past being able to recognize faces, and certainly beyond knowing names. 

How Our Services Make an Impact

We served one such lady at a long term care home in Kitchener.  She was non-verbal and most of the time her head hung low. She rarely made eye contact and only groaned occasionally.  When family enlisted our help, many others wondered why they even bothered having a caregiver visit. Others assumed this woman could not benefit from a companionship visit since she couldn’t converse.

We paired this woman with a caregiver who had a particular knack for connecting with people who are non-verbal.  The caregiver spent hours with this woman, slowly getting to know her and understand her body language. She developed trust and rapport with this woman. Before long, the elderly woman was responding to the caregiver’s voice. 

The woman could be sitting in her wheelchair, slumped over with her head drooping, but at the sound of the caregiver’s voice, she would suddenly open her eyes and lift her head.  When the caregiver was within sight her eyes would sparkle.  She knew that the caregiver was there to see her personally.  That caregiver wasn’t there to help everyone; she wasn’t there to do activities with or entertain the whole crowd. She was there for the sole purpose of being with this particular woman, and the woman knew that and responded to that individual attention.

This woman—who many might have disregarded as being unresponsive or too progressed with dementia to bother providing companionship—clearly benefitted hugely.  We’ll never know how much she comprehended the caregiver’s one-sided conversation, but we know that she comprehended the feelings elicited by the caregiver. The woman felt noticed and appreciated, she felt valued and she recognized that the caregiver was there for her alone.

That is why we provide companionship to clients regardless of their physical or mental diagnoses or conditions.  Making that woman’s day, providing her with a sense of joy and moments of contentment and fulfilment are what it’s all about.  Would you like to have the same for your loved one?

Contact us today!