Aged to Perfection

When families are seeking companionship for their loved ones—especially within retirement homes or long term care centres—some families are surprised that the minimum companionship visit is three hours.  The reason we have minimums is to fulfill our mission and philosophy of care. Within the context of long term care, there is another element that is also crucial and that is providing your loved one with one-on-one undivided attention.

One-on-One Undivided Attention

One of the reasons that companionship services are so beneficial within long term care homes is your loved one receives one-on-one undivided attention.  Of course, there are wonderful staff members in the long term care home who are providing various types of care and assistance, but their attention is not undivided. 

They are typically rushing off to attend to the next resident because there are so many people who are in need, all at the same time.  Your loved one can feel this. They can feel the sense that someone is hurrying along, or watching the clock, or checking a pager or other device. While completely unintended, your loved one might not feel important at that moment.

Our companionship services are an antidote to the rushing around and unfocused attention they’re receiving.  Our caregivers slow right down and sit with your loved one.  They’ll exude a sense of peace and calm that says “I’m here for you, and I’m not rushing anywhere else.”  Because they have the luxury of time (at least three hours), they are not watching the clock, they are not rushing off to attend to other residents. They are focused entirely on your loved one giving much-needed undivided attention for hours on end. 

We have served many clients in long term care who are in the very late stages of dementia.  In many cases, these clients have very little verbal communication left.  Many would say that they are past being able to recognize faces, and certainly beyond knowing names. 

How Our Services Make an Impact

We served one such lady at a long term care home in Kitchener.  She was non-verbal and most of the time her head hung low. She rarely made eye contact and only groaned occasionally.  When family enlisted our help, many others wondered why they even bothered having a caregiver visit. Others assumed this woman could not benefit from a companionship visit since she couldn’t converse.

We paired this woman with a caregiver who had a particular knack for connecting with people who are non-verbal.  The caregiver spent hours with this woman, slowly getting to know her and understand her body language. She developed trust and rapport with this woman. Before long, the elderly woman was responding to the caregiver’s voice. 

The woman could be sitting in her wheelchair, slumped over with her head drooping, but at the sound of the caregiver’s voice, she would suddenly open her eyes and lift her head.  When the caregiver was within sight her eyes would sparkle.  She knew that the caregiver was there to see her personally.  That caregiver wasn’t there to help everyone; she wasn’t there to do activities with or entertain the whole crowd. She was there for the sole purpose of being with this particular woman, and the woman knew that and responded to that individual attention.

This woman—who many might have disregarded as being unresponsive or too progressed with dementia to bother providing companionship—clearly benefitted hugely.  We’ll never know how much she comprehended the caregiver’s one-sided conversation, but we know that she comprehended the feelings elicited by the caregiver. The woman felt noticed and appreciated, she felt valued and she recognized that the caregiver was there for her alone.

That is why we provide companionship to clients regardless of their physical or mental diagnoses or conditions.  Making that woman’s day, providing her with a sense of joy and moments of contentment and fulfilment are what it’s all about.  Would you like to have the same for your loved one?

Contact us today!

Have you ever been in line at the checkout and the guy behind you is getting too close….awkwardly close? How do you react? What is your body language like? What is your facial expression?

I’ll bet your expression is a cross between curiosity and suspicion.  Your eyes are watching carefully; you’re on high alert.  Your body language is likely standoffish and you’re tense; you’re ready to react or even defend yourself if necessary.

Is that normal?  Perhaps it’s a bit stronger than necessary for a checkout lineup, but your natural instinct is to protect yourself.  You interpreted the intrusion of your personal space as a possible threat, and you’re on high alert until the threat subsides.

This human instinct to protect yourself and your personal space is a normal human reaction, and it doesn’t disappear just because someone has dementia.

In fact, this instinct to protect oneself may become even stronger in the face of dementia.

This self-protection instinct comes from the amygdala, a small area deep within your brain.  The amygdala continues to send out survival instincts even when other portions of the brain are affected by dementia.

The part of the brain that houses reason and logic—the prefrontal cortex—is often first affected by dementia.  It is this part of the brain that allows you to think through a situation and respond appropriately.

When the guy at the grocery store gets too close, your amygdala sends out a threat alert, but your prefrontal cortex uses logic to assess and notices that the store is crowded.  You then realize that the guy moved into your personal space because he was bumped from behind.  There is no threat after all, and your prefrontal cortex sends a message to the Amygdala that all is safe and secure.

For someone who’s prefrontal cortex is affected by dementia, their ability to assess the situation for danger diminishes.  Their amygdala is still sending out the danger warning, but they do not have the ability to use logic or reason to understand the situation and reduce their sense of risk.

Think back to your initial reaction to the guy in the checkout line—your facial reaction and body language were not friendly or welcoming, were they?  That’s because you were feeling at risk for just a second.  Now think about someone with dementia who may have a concerned or suspicious expression on their face or their body language is reactive.  Perhaps they are feeling threatened and they are on high alert.

That person with dementia may not be able to use logic or reason to reassure themselves that there is no threat.  If someone is in their personal space, and they feel threatened, they will react exactly like you did—defensively.  They will not be able to contextualize and say “oh, that person is wearing scrubs. It must be a doctor or a nurse who is in my personal space to treat me medically.” 

They may not recognize a family member, friend, care provider, or fellow resident. If they don’t recognize the person who is entering their personal space, then that person may feel as strange as the guy in the checkout line.  If so, the reaction—even to a family member or friend—will be the same defensive reaction as a stranger intruding on space.

What can you do?

When you’re interacting with someone who has dementia, be on the lookout for defensive body language.  If you notice a defensive stance or a suspicious facial expression, recognize that the person with dementia may be feeling threatened or at risk and help them to feel reassured. 

Be kind, and help them to contextualize.

Fill in the missing details that their brain may not be able to supply.  Help them to recognize relationships or connections and do not enter their personal space until you are sure they welcome you.

A beloved family member with dementia may not recognize your face, but they will recognize how you make them feel. Focus on helping them to feel safe and reassured, and the defensive behaviour will melt away.