Aged to Perfection

Are you hosting any holiday gatherings where you have invited elderly relatives who have health conditions? You have probably already thought about accessibility accommodations such as helping them into your home and ensuring they have access to a bathroom. Those elements are very important and should not be overlooked. 

Another element that should not be overlooked is how to make the overall

environment more manageable for your elderly loved ones, especially when there are health conditions to consider.

• If someone has a chronic illness such as CHF or COPD, they may fatigue very quickly and need an opportunity to rest. 
• If someone has edema in their feet or legs (swelling) they may need a chance to sit with their legs elevated. 
• A stroke survivor may find the environment overstimulating and may need relief.
• Someone with dementia may need some peace and quiet and a break from the noisy environment. 
• Hearing aids may blur the sounds into a din so that individual voices are difficult to discern, and someone with hearing loss may need an auditory break.

To help facilitate these needs and more, you can create a Quiet Zone for your holiday gathering.

Part of the beauty of a Quiet Zone is that it can meet the needs of so many different health conditions. It is one solution that actually meets numerous needs simultaneously. It may even be appealing to younger family members too!

A Quiet Zone is a space dedicated to quieter interaction and less stimulation.  Ideally, the Quiet Zone would be a separate room, but if that’s not possible, then a nook or area can be allocated as the Quiet Zone.

The Quiet Zone should be less stimulating than the environment of the main event.  If there are Christmas carols blasting on repeat in the dining room, the Quiet Zone does not have any music. If the Christmas tree in the living room has blinking lights and a miniature train set zooming past, the Quiet Room has steady, ambient lighting that isn’t distracting.

While the main event likely includes loud chatter, many people speaking at once, laughing, and loud voices to be heard over the din, the Quiet Zone is where people can have one-on-one conversations that can be more easily heard and understood.  For relatives of any age, the chance to step away from the noise and engage in a more in-depth one-on-one conversation might be a welcome relief. 

Someone who tires easily in a crowded room of people might appreciate the relief of settling into the Quiet Room.  Other guests can then take turns, one at a time, visiting within the Quiet Room.  This way, everyone is supported to be part of the family gathering, but they can participate in a way that matches their individual needs. Having a space to retreat may allow people to reserve their physical and mental energy to join the group for dinner. 

The Quiet Room makes it possible to have a quick cat-nap if needed.  Giving the brain an extra boost of sleep can make the difference between enjoying the rest of the event, and just feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated. Family members who are stroke survivors or who have dementia will particularly appreciate the opportunity to have a power nap. 

When the brain has been impacted by stroke or dementia, part of the brain may not be working the way it once did. The remaining parts of the brain are functioning on overdrive to compensate for the losses. Those over-active brain areas tire easily and benefit enormously from rest. A Quiet Room creates the space and permission to invite such guests to rest their brains when they need it most.

This holiday season, consider creating a Quiet Room for large family gatherings.  The Quiet Room will be a retreat space to ensure that all your guests find the event manageable and can enjoy it fully.

Managing your own household is already a full-time job. Add to that the responsibility of overseeing your parents' household, and now your in-laws need some help too. It's no wonder you feel stretched too thin. As your parents' needs continue to increase, you find yourself in a difficult position: you need homecare support for them, but they refuse to even consider it.

Your father insists he "doesn't need a babysitter," and your mother claims she can "do everything just fine myself." What she really means is that you are doing everything just fine for them. Your parents believe they are managing well because you are filling in all the gaps. They don't realize the extent of your efforts; they simply benefit from the fact that everything gets done.

For years, you've respected your parents' wishes, supporting them in their decisions and doing your best to help. They keep saying they don't want or need any help, and you've tried to honor that. However, the reality is that they do need help, and they are already receiving it—from you. The burden has become more than you can manage on your own, and it's time to acknowledge that you can no longer provide all the assistance they need. This isn't about failing to respect their decisions; it's about making a necessary choice for your own health and wellness.

It's time to have an honest conversation with your parents. Explain what you are able to do and outline the tasks that are becoming too much. Empower them to make decisions that best suit their needs by presenting options to fill the remaining gaps. For example, you might be willing to do the weekly grocery shopping and visit with your parents after putting everything away, but cooking dinner for them every day is no longer feasible.

Here are some meal options to consider:

1. Meals on Wheels or another meal delivery service: Convenient and nutritious meals delivered right to their door. Our caregivers can help by encouraging your parents to eat these meals by warming it up for them.
2. Retirement home: A community where meals are provided, along with other amenities and social opportunities. Our caregiving team can help your loved one to and from the dining room, helping them navigate their new environment
3. Caregiver assistance at home: A caregiver can cook meals together with your parents in their own kitchen, using their preferred recipes. There's nothing like a home cooked meal! Our caregivers can ensure your mom or dad gets a home cooked meal just the way they like. 

Outline the pros and cons of each option above and how they would fit into your parents' lifestyle. Stepping back and acknowledging your own needs doesn't take away your parents' ability to make their own decisions. It simply removes one option from the list—the option of you cooking meals daily.

As long as you continue to be the primary option, your parents won't seriously consider any other alternatives. Clearly articulate what you can and cannot do, and guide your parents through the decision-making process to address the remaining gaps. Setting boundaries for your well-being is important. 

Homecare can address many of these gaps, providing the individualized attention and assistance your parents are accustomed to receiving. Homecare isn't just about the senior client; it's also about alleviating the burden on family members who have been doing far more than is sustainable. A wonderful caregiver—or team of caregivers—can take care of your parents' to-do list, ensuring that the responsibility doesn't all fall on your shoulders.